Leaving Treadmarkz Across the Universe

by Treadmarkz

My wedding anniversary is coming up, so bearing that in mind, I want to share a story. It was one of those moments in my life that…well, let’s call it one of those “make it or break it moments” that we all encounter at one point or another. We’ll call this one Make It or Break It Moment #2 because I have another one that I want to write about later that took place earlier in my life so that one has to be #1. Make sense? Okay, off we go…

Our story begins in the fall of 1999, when I was a young college student with a gleam in my eye and nothing but hope for the future. But something was missing. I had not found love. I had thought I’d found it but it turned out to be a mirage. I was still recovering from that in the fall of 1999.
That fall, I found myself passing a lot of time in on-line chat rooms. At first it was to avoid homework. For a while I found nothing but profane nimrods with nothing to say. But then I met the woman who would change my life. The first time we met, she scolded me because I, having turned into one of those profane nimrods (those chat rooms were like zombie colonies if you were not careful) had just said something profane and nimrodish to someone. So she told me off. She felt bad I guess because before I left for the night, she said okay maybe that was too much, what’s your name? and all that good stuff and we had a civil chat. Then I left.

The next time I went on that same chat, I had changed my “nickname” to “The British Bulldog” or something like that. So of course when I saw her name, I asked her if she remembered speaking to me, and she said no. So I went through all the names that I could remember using and she said “no” to each one. I used to change my name all of the time, so just when I could sense that she was feeling harassed I said “White guy!…remember White Guy?!!!”…I was real creative with my name some times. But it struck a chord with her and she remembered me.
Something in that first chat of ours must have peaked the curiosity of both of us. Because this second time, we chatted for a good part of the evening and into the late night. Good thing those chats don’t have a “last call”. I mean if we had had this chat in a pub, maybe by the time last call came she would have given me her number so we could continue another time, but I did not want to stop talking with her. Still, I knew that something unavoidable was coming. It did not even occur to me that she might be in a wheelchair. (She isn’t). But I knew that I had to tell her that I was. Because I could sense something big happening between us. And with my little experience with women, I thought this was just the biggest deal ever and she had to know right away or I was being unfair to her or something.

So late that evening, after so much had passed between the two of us, and after we’d learned so much about each other, I came out with it. “I have to tell you something, and I am not sure how you are going to react” is what I said. Yeah I know, great way to make someone feel secure about what they are about to hear, right? I can only imagine what was running through her head. “He’s married? He’s a swinger? He’s bi-?, He’s one of a set of conjoined twins? What?!” At first she told me not to tell her. I don’t know why, but I know she was afraid whatever I was about to say was something that may require some clear, wide awake thought, and should wait for another time. Eventually I convinced her that I should just tell her. “I am in a wheelchair.”

I think it is best to be fairly upfront about your disability with a girl/woman or guy/man that you like. I mean one thing at a time, but be honest. Don’t lay it all out in one swoop, but if you tell the person this is how it is, this is how I live, she or he will respect you for it, and if they don’t, they might not be the one you are looking for to begin with.

You know what though? I don’t even remember her reaction. She had a few questions, certainly and I told her a little more about it as she asked, but her initial reaction was something like “Oh…alright…so, chat tomorrow night with me?” What I mean is it did not cause one of those abrupt “maybe we should take it slow” kind of exchanges. That only came up when we realized the distance between us (about 800 miles). Of course that was overcome as well but that is a different story. She told me later that something in the way I described my surroundings or the way I worded things when I told her stories made her wonder if I was not on two legs. I don’t know how I did that but at least it prepared her.
Not that I feel like it would have affected my chances with her much had she not been “prepared” for it. Not knowing what I know now. She’s the kind of woman who has to ability to cut through the materialistic nonsense and look for deeper meaning and value in things and in people. And somehow she found it in me. I have had the good fortune to know her for almost nine years and be married to her for almost four. And it all came down to that one moment, which made or broke our future, whether she was going to accept what most would see as a major challenge ahead. She took it, and didn’t see it first and foremost as a challenge. If you don’t see things as an obstacle, they are not obstacles. And that is part of what we will be celebrating when our anniversary comes.